By Brett Corlett | Soft Landing Podcast – Episode 10
Introduction
This blog comes straight from my heart, and from Episode 10 of my podcast, Soft Landing. It’s not a how-to guide. It’s a reflection. A moment of honesty about what it’s really like to start over in a new country. Because while I love New Zealand deeply, it’s not always easy. And if you’re finding it hard too, you’re not alone.
Why I’m Sharing This
I often share tips, tools, and personal wins across my podcast and socials. People assume we’ve got it all together. But the truth is, this journey has had its dark moments too. Moments of grief, guilt, loneliness and real struggle. Today’s post is for anyone who’s ever felt overwhelmed in their new life here.
It’s Not All Instagram-Perfect
Social media is a highlight reel. We post the smiles, the scenery, the milestones. But what about the hard days? The days when you miss home. When the guilt of leaving loved ones behind hits you like a wave. When you wonder, ‘Did we do the right thing?’ I’ve had those days. My wife’s had those days. And we’re still standing, but we don’t pretend it’s been easy.
When Grief and Guilt Collide
One of our toughest seasons was losing my sister-in-law to cancer just a year after we arrived. My wife couldn’t go back to say goodbye. We couldn’t be there for her final days, or even attend the funeral. It broke our hearts. We also had to help my elderly mother-in-law remotely from the other side of the world. It was overwhelming, and it still is.
Feeling Like a Foreigner—Even When You Speak the Language
Even as English-speaking South Africans, adjusting to Kiwi culture can be unexpectedly hard. Work culture is different. Friendship circles are tighter. Banter sometimes goes over your head. I’ve felt like an outsider at work, at social events, even just trying to fit in at the gym.
Simple Things Can Be the Hardest
You don’t realise how disorienting it can be to not know which shop sells what, where to get your tyres pumped, or how to find your favourite foods. You feel like a fool for not knowing something basic, and the stress piles on. It’s not about the task, it’s about how alone and ‘new’ you feel all over again.
It’s Okay to Grieve
Immigrating means leaving behind everything familiar. And even if you made the move by choice, there’s still grief. Grief for family, for culture, for belonging. There’s guilt too, especially when your parents are aging, or your kids are struggling, or you can’t be there for your people back home. I’ve cried. I’ve questioned. But I’ve learned, it’s okay to grieve. It’s normal.
What’s Helped Us Cope
– Gym: It grounds me, clears my head, and resets my mood.
– Creative outlets: My wife paints rocks and shares them in the community, it’s her therapy.
– Routine: Especially for the kids. Structure helps with stability.
– Talking about it: With each other, with friends, or even through this podcast, it helps to name what you’re feeling.
Final Thoughts
You don’t have to have it all together. You don’t need to fake it. You’re allowed to feel lost. But you also owe it to yourself to keep showing up. To keep reminding yourself why you came. Look at your kids thriving. Look at how far you’ve come. Give yourself credit. Give yourself grace.
You’re Not Alone
This journey isn’t perfect, but it’s worth it. If you’re struggling, that doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re human. I hope this post reminds you that you’re not alone and that Soft Landing is here to support you.
🎧 Listen to Episode 10 – I Love New Zealand – But It’s Still Really Hard Sometimes
📢 Stay Connected
I’d love your help.
The Inner Circle App is coming soon — a free space for migrants to connect, learn, and belong in New Zealand. We’d love your input! Help us shape it so it truly supports your needs.
https://forms.gle/FuTEd7cMwv7jzSK56
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