If you’ve been following along, you’ll know I’ve been sharing our story in phases.
Not the polished version.
Not the highlight reel.
The real one.
And if I’m honest, the first quarter of 2024 nearly broke us.
We were just over a year into life in New Zealand. In my mind, year two was meant to feel steadier. More stable. Like we were finally heading in the right direction.
Instead, it felt like the deck of cards collapsed.
A New Job… With Everything Else Going On
We had always said that year one would be single income. Year two would be when Amy went back to work.
Just before Christmas 2023, she had multiple interviews and was offered two roles. She chose one and started in January 2024.
It should have been exciting.
But in the background, her sister was critically ill back in South Africa.
So while she was trying to show up strong, professional, and capable in a brand-new job… she was also carrying the emotional weight of knowing her sister didn’t have long left.
Ten days into her new job, her sister passed away.
Ten days.
She attended the memorial online in the middle of the night, alone, from New Zealand.
I still carry the guilt of not being able to get her home. Financially, logistically, emotionally — we just couldn’t make it work.
And she had to stay strong here.
Rental Notice. Packing Boxes. School Stress.
At the same time, we’d been given notice by our landlord.
So January looked like this:
- New job.
- Sister passing.
- Adoption process beginning.
- Packing up a house.
- Searching for a new rental.
- Kids starting school again.
- Our daughter struggling with separation anxiety.
- Planning our son’s birthday.
- Me returning to work… into a restructure consultation.
It was relentless.
If you’ve tried finding a rental in New Zealand over December and January, you’ll know everything slows down. Listings are limited. Viewings are competitive. Timelines are tight.
We eventually secured a new place about two weeks before our move-out date.
Relief.
But then reality hit.
This time, our container had arrived. We had a full house of furniture. No real support network. And I had to rent a truck (after crashing one during our first move — different story).
A friend from school who now lives in NZ drove 30 minutes to help us move the heavy stuff.
We made it work.
And we’re still in that house today. That stability was something we desperately needed.
Consultation Period & Job Uncertainty
When I returned to work in January, we officially entered a consultation period — a restructure.
Positions were being reviewed. Responsibilities reshaped. Not everyone would necessarily keep their role.
I was the primary income earner.
The pressure was immense.
I started applying for jobs quietly. Interviews were slow. Rejections came in waves. It’s humbling sending out applications and hearing nothing.
You start questioning yourself.
Is it me?
Am I good enough?
Was moving here a mistake?
If you’re job hunting right now, especially over December/January, just know: things slow down here. It’s not always about you.
You only need one offer.
Starting the Adoption Process
Before Amy’s sister passed, we had already contacted Oranga Tamariki because we knew the outcome was likely.
Once she passed, the adoption process officially began.
To bring my nephew here permanently under our residency visas, we needed to legally adopt him.
That meant:
- Engaging New Zealand authorities.
- Managing legal processes in South Africa.
- Obtaining a death certificate.
- Navigating relinquishment of parental rights from his father.
- Coordinating paperwork across two countries.
- Managing timelines that were never certain.
We were told it should be straightforward.
It wasn’t.
At one stage, we genuinely thought it might not work.
And the thought of leaving a 16-year-old boy without proper support? That kept me awake at night.
Supporting Family From 11,000km Away
Amy’s mom was still in the rental in South Africa, a lease we had signed for.
So now we were:
- Paying rent there.
- Ensuring she wasn’t alone.
- Trying to plan her future.
- Supporting our nephew emotionally.
- Navigating adoption.
- Handling grief.
- Starting new jobs.
- Facing restructures.
- Moving house.
All at once.
Immigration grief is real.
But immigration responsibility is heavier.
The Emotional Toll
There were nights we cried.
There were days we functioned on autopilot.
There were times I didn’t share how stressed I was because Amy already had too much on her shoulders.
When you immigrate, your support network resets to zero.
What I would have given in that season to have family nearby. Or even just someone to sit with us and say, “We’ve got you.”
But we didn’t.
So we leaned into our why.
For me, it’s always been my kids.
When everything feels like it’s collapsing, your why is what keeps you standing.
If You’re in a Tough Season
If you’re a year in and thinking, “This is harder than I expected” — you’re not alone.
If it feels like everything is happening at once — you’re not failing.
You’re adjusting.
And adjustment can be brutal.
That first quarter of 2024 tested us in ways I didn’t expect.
But somehow, step by step, we got through it.
You don’t need to solve everything at once.
You just need to take the next step.
I’ll share more in the next post about the adoption rollercoaster, the restructure process, and how interviews eventually started coming through.
For now, if you’re in the thick of it:
Don’t do this alone.
Reach out.
Soft Landing exists because I know what it feels like to wish someone understood.
— Brett Corlett
Making New Zealand Home Together
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